When Plans Fall Apart: Finding Joy While Parenting a Medically Complex Child
Navigating the unexpected with resilience and joy
'Twas the day after Christmas, and plans had been made...
'Twas the day after Christmas, and plans had been made,
To stay in my pj's and watch movies all day.
To cherish loved ones and soak it all in,
A peaceful day was set to begin.
But, as often happens, life had other plans...
That afternoon, one by one, my three children—and my nephew—fell ill. Norovirus and COVID became the gift no one wanted but one that kept on giving.
No one likes being sick, but when you’re the parent of a medically complex child, illness isn’t just inconvenient—it’s frightening. Even a simple cold can escalate into a hospital admission.
For four years, my daughter had miraculously avoided most viral illnesses. She had never caught COVID, even when other family members did. This year, though, was different. COVID and norovirus hit her at the same time, and it was terrifying.
Our holiday break quickly became a flurry of calls to her doctors, visits to multiple specialists, a day-long stint at the Emergency Department, and a negotiation with her medical team to avoid hospitalization.
The days blurred together—filled with worry, sleepless nights, and an endless cycle of laundry.
I felt guilty for not ensuring my daughter had her COVID booster on time.
I felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of vomit and laundry.
I felt exhausted after an all-nighter monitoring her oxygen levels, only to face another 1.5-hour drive to the children’s hospital.
I felt disappointed—this was not how I imagined spending my hard-earned holiday break.
Parenting a medically complex child is an emotional and physical marathon.
The worry, the appointments, the sleepless nights—it all takes its toll. But if I’ve learned one thing through this journey, it’s that joy can still exist, even in the messiest and most overwhelming moments.
5 Strategies to Reclaim Happiness Amid the Chaos
1. Embrace Small Wins
During that post-Christmas nightmare, I clung to every tiny victory: eating a warm meal, finishing a load of laundry, or seeing my daughter smile despite her illness.
Small wins are everywhere if you look for them—and they’re worth celebrating.
2. Create Joyful Rituals
Life might feel overwhelming, but small rituals can bring a sense of normalcy and comfort.
On New Year’s Eve, smack in the middle of our week of illness, we upheld our family tradition of toasting with sparkling cider. My daughter was too tired to join us in the family room, so we brought the toast to her. She raised her glass from bed.
It was a small act, but it reminded me that we wouldn’t let illness steal all our joy.
3. Allow Yourself to Feel
The guilt, overwhelm, and disappointment I felt during that week were real—and valid.
I gave myself permission to feel those emotions without judgment. Venting to trusted friends, giving myself grace, and simply sitting with my feelings helped me move through them.
4. Focus on What You Can Control
I couldn’t control the fact that my daughter caught COVID and norovirus.
But I could focus on:
- Keeping her comfortable
- Monitoring her symptoms
- Giving her all the love and care she needed
Shifting my focus to what I could control helped me feel less powerless.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Parenting through illness often means putting yourself last, but I’ve learned the hard way that this isn’t sustainable.
During that week, I made it a point to:
✔ Hydrate
✔ Nap when I could
✔ Ask for help
Even small acts of self-care can make a big difference.
Finding Joy, One Moment at a Time
That holiday break didn’t go as planned, but even in the chaos, there were glimmers of joy:
Watching movies together as a family
Playing games when energy allowed
Roasting marshmallows in the fireplace while admiring the Christmas tree
Parenting a medically complex child will always come with challenges.
But I’ve learned that joy isn’t something you wait for—it’s something you actively seek out, even in the hardest moments.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re navigating the chaos of parenting a medically complex child, know that you don’t have to do it alone.
I created the Resilient Parent Toolkit to help parents like you reduce stress, find calm, and reclaim joy for your family.
You deserve happiness and fulfillment, even amidst life’s chaos. Let me help you take the first step.